A stunning double bedroom has become available in the centre of Southsea – in a flat that was hand-crafted by no less then Charles Dickens himself (back when he was a bricky).
A hilarious young Southsea designer called Daisy has placed the hysterical – but genuine – flatshare advert on spareroom.co.uk(https://www.spareroom.co.uk/flatshare/hampshire/southsea/4839213), seeking a flatmate who has a passion for hoovering and is ideally either a handsome male model and/or Beyoncé (desired but not essential).
The brilliant add goes on to say the flat is located a 49-second walk from Albert Road, promising, “…all pretentious hipster pubs are just a stones throw. Here you can immerse yourself In beards and horn-rimmed glasses and bicker about psych music.”
But be warned, you may be asked how bendy you are – and be prepared to live with a 7-foot wolf named Brian, although “he generally keeps quiet and is easy to maintain.”
The full ad reads:
Stunning double bedroom available in the centre of Southsea. Hand crafted by Charles Dickens himself back when he was a bricky, the maisonette flat is steeped in cultural history beautifully contrasted with the decor of ‘young designer with too much time on her hands’. All furnishings throughout the entire flat are pretty much brand new, including Louis Theroux throw cushion.
As stated the flat is a maisonette and the room for rent is on a separate floor with the main bathroom right next to it. You can view this as your lair however you have to bring your own chaise lounge if transforming it into a diva/roman emperor living quarters or your own chains if transforming it into a sex dungeon. It also comes equipped with a lamp and two side tables. Use these as you wish.
I am an artist/designer still deluded that im on the brink of greatness. Meaning erratic working hours and a variety of bizarre requests such as ‘how bendy are you? Can you fit the top half of you in a laundry matt washing machine?’ I have attached a picture by Mr Bingo for a brief summary of my work schedule. There are no pets apart from a 7 foot wolf named Brian. He generally keeps quiet and is easy to maintain (pic also attached).
The flat has a small front garden which is a total sun trap and when your body is perfectly sprawled flat on the ground between the low front wall and second flowerbed from the left- you’ll think you’re in Ibiza or somewhere equally as hot. With poor chart toppers blaring from dweeby boy racer cars on the main road 2 feet away providing the perfect soundtrack to a beautiful summer day. Attached is a picture, please note that I like to be punctual and have found that by leaving the majority of my Christmas decorations up I am equipped and prepped for Christmas 2k17 already. Also someone has now stolen one of the chairs.
Located a 49 second walk from albert road, all pretentious hipster pubs are just a stones throw. Here you can immerse yourself In beards and horn-rimmed glasses and bicker about psych music, or if you like your nights a little more low key, The honest politician is just a quick 212 second walk away, here you can play free pool and stick to the floor until your hearts content.
Its also worth noting that if you work a 9-5 job i have been known to take the art of making a pack lunch to the extreme. With separately labeled snacks, organised treats and healthy yet delicious main courses. This comes at no extra cost, please just request on arrival.
Desired but not essential qualities:
-Passion for hoovering
-Handsome male model and/or beyonce
-Steam mop MX5
-An interest in either itv2’s love island or Viva La Bam
-Basic understanding of the English language
-An ability to debate whether Kanye West is a genius and inspiration to our future generation or a total crack.
-Provide a safe space of no judgment to be implemented on occasions when i don’t get out of pajamas for over 48 hours
-Sense of humor and/or use of extreme sarcasm