Nine months of separation. The qualified nurse looking to take her mother home and care for her – ARRESTED – how can this be right, in the meantime her 97 years older mother’s health continues to decline.
What are you thought?
The video clip, Leandra records the police officers who have pulled up in front of the family in a car park on their way back from the home where grandmother, Tina Thornborough, had been a resident for nearly a year.
She films the scene as she says: ‘So let’s just make this very clear, my nan – my 97-year-old nan – here who we have taken from the care home because we haven’t seen her for nine months is now being taken back by force to her care home.
When you are faced with irrational responses your actions become irrational.
When you are repeatedly told ‘we’re just following the rules’ and those rules have kept you away from your loved one for about 8 or 9 months, you question those rules.
When the rules – like so many in this period of our history – are purporting to be in place to ‘protect’ but yet are causing untold damage to physical and mental health then you start breaking the rules.
My 73-year-old Mum, pushed into the care home to hug my 97-year-old Grandma who has dementia. She then quietly wheeled her out.
She is a trained nurse and wishes to care for my Nan at home. We only have Power of Attorney for my Nan’s finances. Not for her wellbeing. Before lockdown we could overcome this by visiting my Nan regularly. Now we can’t. My Mum was arrested because she refused to take my Nan back to the care home.
It feels like we are living in the worst Kafka-esque nightmare. People in masks coming to take your relative away from you.
I find myself for the first time in my life on the wrong side of the law.
I have tried to go through all the ‘official channels’: written countless letters to MPs, Public Health, the Care home… I have signed petitions, spoken to social workers, we raised a ‘safeguarding’ concern at the beginning of lockdown due to my Nan’s clear deterioration but this was inexplicably dropped and ‘disappeared’. When she became ill at the care home and was admitted to hospital we asked that she not go back. Yet she was discharged from hospital behind our backs and without our consent.
When your voice feels lost in a labyrinth of bureaucracy, when you are informed by the police that you are not on your relative’s relevant paperwork(!!), when the system is so clearly failing, we have to stand up and reform it.
The police were as kind as they could be, they had a hard job. I thank them for trying their best and de-arresting my Mum so we could go home together.
The issues are with the ‘guidelines’ and with so much fear preventing creative problem-solving. Relatives need to be given key-worker status. They need to be allowed into their relative’s private bedroom to visit, feed and care for their loved ones.
I share this story and these two short videos (the second one I recorded by accident but the audio is clear) to highlight to as many people as possible that sometimes the rules aren’t right. Sometimes the rules need challenging and changing.
It is my hope that if enough of us live from our hearts, act from our hearts and speak our truth fearlessly from our hearts, this inhumane situation will come to an end.
Assistant Chief Constable Chris Noble from Humberside Police said: “We responded to a report of an assault at a care home in Market Weighton in East Yorkshire at 11.15am yesterday (Tuesday 3 November 2020).
“The care home had also reported that a woman who they were legally responsible for had been taken from the home by her daughter.
“Officers found both women along with a third woman nearby and informed them that they would need to return the lady to the home, as is their legal duty to do so.
“The situation was distressing and emotional for everyone and the woman did not want her mother to be returned to the care home staff.
“The officer in attendance had to ensure that that everyone was safe and in particular the 93 year old lady who was frail and vulnerable and so made the decision to briefly restrain the 73 year old woman until the situation was calm and under control.
“Officers then returned the elderly lady to the home.
“The 73 year old lady was then immediately unrestrained, de-arrested and allowed to return home with her daughter. She and her daughter thanked the officers for the way they had dealt with the incident.
“We understand that this is an emotional and difficult situation for all those involved. We sympathise with all families who are in this position and will continue to provide whatever support we can to both parties.”