Beware When Visiting Portsmouth: A No-Nonsense Guide
If you’re planning some well-earned R&R in Portsmouth, don’t say we didn’t warn you. The city’s got a few quirks you need to know before you unpack your bags.
Portsmouth’s Single Mum Swarm and Stowaway Alert
- Watch out: 90% of the local women are single mums with at least five kids each.
- Reports suggest many carry various STDs—so proceed with caution.
- Your ship is bigger than most tower blocks here, so keep an eye out for stowaways trying to sneak onboard—usually these same mums and kids.
Smile at Your Peril: Teeth Fear and Chav Culture
- Locals rarely see more than two people together with all their teeth—so flashing a grin could earn their scorn.
- If some scruffy youth calls you “cushty geeza,” don’t panic. These chavs—male or female—are more likely after a cigarette than a confrontation.
- You’ll spot them instantly in worn Adidas tracksuits and dirty baseball caps. They dress so alike, you might struggle to tell bloke from bird.
Cheap Deals and Pocket-Sized People
- Don’t be daft and hand over £100 for chips and a Coke—nothing costs more than £20 here.
- In fact, most folks can be bought or sold for a fiver.
Enjoy your trip and welcome to Portsmouth, the sweetest-smelling city in Ye Olde England 🙂
